At the start of this year, I made a goal to write every day. I did this for two reasons: to reflect on what I learned about life, God, and myself each day and to, hopefully, reignite the desire to publish blogs again.
Today, July 1st, begins the second half of the year and I can say I have successfully completed one of these goals. Taking as little as two minutes and sometimes as long as an hour each day to write has been one of the most spiritually enriching disciplines I’ve ever done.
But I’ve utterly failed the second goal of publishing these thoughts.
I’m often ashamed that my drive to share my writing has dwindled over time. In fact, I’ve found that the more I know and the more I grow, the more hesitant I’ve been to write. Writing has always been, and will always be, an outlet and passion of mine (just look at the stack of journals in my library). But for quite some time, whenever I sit down to get these thoughts onto a screen, my brain shuts down and my creativity vanishes. I’m pretty sure the number of times I’ve thought of deleting my blog outnumbers all posts I’ve ever published.
Recently, a new friend asked to read my blog. I shared my website with her and she read a few posts. As she thanked me for my writing, I was reminded of the reason I started my blog three years ago: to encourage people away from me with what I’m learning in the present.
I consider myself a person who invests well wherever I am. “Bloom where you’re planted” is a cliché I model my life after. I pour into the people I’m with, build relationships fast, and love to learn from others and share with them what I’ve learned in my short 20 years of life. It’s quite normal for me to have hours of conversation regularly with new and old friends alike sharing truths I’ve learned about life, hearing their stories, and growing together as we ask questions and dig deep into the complexities of life, the Bible, and God.
This is what gives me life. This is where I feel the most myself. This is where I feel I’m using my God-given gifts and interests best to encourage and love others.
If I could sit down over a cup of coffee with each of you reading this blog, I would delete my blog in a heartbeat and invest my time in those face-to-face interactions sharing my thoughts and hearing yours. But obviously that isn’t possible (unless my mom is my only reader).
That’s why I created this blog. To share reflections from conversations, ideas learned from others, lessons gleaned from life, travel, and my relationship with Jesus.
But I lost that.
For over a year, the idea of blogging brought more anxiety than joy to my mind. What do I write? What do I share? What do I even know? I’m just a college student for crying out loud.
I want to begin doing again what I love, sharing my thoughts with the world. I want to rekindle the fire I had to share with the world what God teaches me day-to-day.
In summary, here’s to revitalizing this blog. I hope to be more raw, more transparent, more in-depth as I share the questions I’m wrestling with, the ideas in my mind, and the conversations I have with people.
In some ways, I feel I’m restarting this blog.
I’ll end with a simple thought I’ve learned over and over and over…and over again. I’ve learned a lot these past few years. From the places I’ve travelled, the books I’ve read, and the people I’ve met, I’ve learned one crucial lesson of life: The more I know, the more I know how little I know.
All the amazing experiences I’ve had have humbled me beyond words to realize how small I am, how big the world is, and how much I don’t know about it and the great God who created it.
But it’s given me more of a passion for learning, asking questions, and experiencing all life has to offer in ways like never before.
God has given us so much to explore, learn, and experience in life. When I stopped making excuses why I shouldn’t do things and just started taking opportunities I was given, I began experiencing life like never before.
I know I don’t have life figured out and I never will. But that’s what compels me to find new experiences, go new places, and learn new things.
It’s a constant battle to embrace the discomfort of not having every answer, to take time to learn something every day, and to find ways to share what we learn with people around us. But that’s what I want to do and that’s what I hope to make this blog again.